Below is a poem, author unknown, that my late sister, Marilyn, wrote down and gave to me. For all I know, she could have written it. I kept it tucked-in at the left corner of my mirror for years. She was my best friend. The water marks are my tears, from when I held the paper in my hands to read again for the first time after she died. She was a month shy of her 33rd birthday. It broke my heart knowing she’d never realize anymore dreams.
This time in my life is a different challenge, and there are days I really want to give-up, but a stubborn flicker of belief always remains in my heart, and I want to wake-up dancing. I know my sister would want that.
Ps: I intended to put a formal classic ballerina dance video below, but when I stumbled upon this one with its upbeat melody, and the lyrics – home is wherever I am with you (there’s a personal meaning in that for me) and then the girl dances holding a large daisy (daisies were Marilyn’s favorite) I knew it was her telling me this was the one. This was her kind of spirit. I know if I could hear her she’d insist that I also be my playful self, get it done, and be happy.
If my nature draws me to the wolf, but the lamb provides all that I need, do I continue to seek in starvation, from the wolf what he truly will never concede? The piece of discovery I am hard-pressed to possess, to conquer—satisfaction. Consequently absorb clarification…worthiness. Within its complications learn there are no answers: The bait its only depth! —Painful joy within its entanglement. Or, do I allow for submission into what really is love: Contained in tender action—with its own self-righteousness. Let the pleasant monotonies lull me into inertia: Content in its peace to dream of, the bite, hell bent on having me.
I feel compelled to share this blog. It touches upon numerous important points, but more, as an artist it sinks in on every level.
“They say art never comes out of happiness, but it requires love.”
Meaningful truth–
I have been away from WordPress, posting, and reading all of your posts for a good stretch of time. I look forward to catching-up with all of your posts in time!
No one knows our demons by name or the veracity of our hearts. This is something we would be wise to accept, about ourselves, and everyone we ever meet––Burn expectations of one another at the core. –Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte
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From time to time we stumble over ourselves upon answers, and when we do, we claim to have found God, but on the bitter end call it inconceivable tossing faith to chance. –Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte
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Drawn innately to those we believe possess understanding about us, on a level we are unable to grasp, but desperately want to behold:
I broke my own heart in order to set it free, that it might find you–—and inside discover me. -Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte
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A painful break in time occurred, and when it did all that was known was forgotten. As a result, I was either lost, or I was found. Either way there was nowhere to return to, or to call home. -Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte
Midweek, one ordinary early evening, I watched people shuffling across the street moments after being set-free from their train ride home, from a busy city where they work doing a range of things: technical, in law, banking, construction, in art and fashion…
In a time we are all uncertain—
In high-up places, and downtown, they buzz through the streets in cabs, by foot, on schedule—the clock ticking dollar bills. Between the hours of twelve and two some break for lunch, and sit with a sandwich or fruit by a fountain, enjoy daydreams until once again they return home to our seaside town.
The aroma of plum tomato and garlic calls to them from the local pizzeria, as they hurriedly make the green light, cross the street to meet their cars patiently waiting at meters (calculating quarters for the hours they’ve been gone). Others walk home or get a ride. A cabdriver anxiously calls-out to make a living.
The streets intertwine like stories and ghosts that we hear on a subconscious level, of years past and days ahead that hold us willingly captive, in love with this city—our home.
This particular evening the sky could not decide whether to storm or let the sun shine for its final hours before setting, and it cast-off a mystical greyish-pink hue. Photographers and artists would surely gather on the boardwalk to capture a pre-dusk—hope not to be forgotten—before evening’s ominous newscast.
Salt was heavy in the air from a rough surf, and the light-fog swayed like a slow dance, romancing.
I turned right at the corner and slowly drove toward the ocean, peace in her waves, on my mind.
As an extra-sensory being absorbs everything going on around them like their own movement—I notice most people are asleep or too busy inside themselves to notice the energy around them—until I see Diana.
Diana owns a lady’s handbag and accessory store with her mother, a seamstress and bag designer, on the main strip. The boutique is filled with more than fashion trends for her clients, but rather creative details that if you listen tell a story.
Pocketbooks upon the shelves, leather and embroidery, fall and summer necessities, earrings in a case of glass with silver trim. —A mirror with a delicate woman’s image.
She’ll greet you each time with a beautiful smile and in it you can see her dreams.
She didn’t notice me as I recognized her walking—a poem unfolding on a page.
I was glad not to interrupt the momentum of her stride. It struck me as being accompanied by song. Indeed flowing as opposed to walking. Her gaze was faraway and reminiscent of youthful innocence. A breeze gently influenced her auburn hair.
I watched intently as it seemed she was unaffected by the ordinary surrounding her—traffic, a bicyclist carrying a food delivery, but was captured with the extraordinary—a seagull with dinner in its beak about to land on the edge of a broken fence, as if it were Heaven.
I felt less lonely seeing a kindred soul watching, as I do, the world around us.
It became understood that not everyone on a Wednesday could be a butterfly or a ballad. Some must be a traffic light or a steal gate. Some are meant to be foundation, solid to land upon, while others fill the air with wonder; and there are those that are meant to notice and call attention to each.
In light and in darkness, in times of woe or of joy, confidence or uncertainty – we are all individual movement, our own beat, each a separate story none less important, different by cultures, and yet the same by design.
This is our home by the sea, among many different homes under the sky, where people travel to and fro, seeing and experiencing life around them—a rose about to bud—or a shattered piece of glass in mourning.
Tomorrow will be another story—each soul a particle in defining its entirety—like sand and a city by the sea.
Please, don’t feel you must respond immediately. After all, it’s only been twenty-one years.
Enough years to assimilate with grief, and your natural wit about it—
I’m only pointing out the obvious. You already know which way to go.
The way I figure it, torment has become as easy as a breath mint to you—Your ability to simply reach for, and pop one onto your taste buds like bitter remorse.
Are you listening?
To what your direction or my inner voice that knows?
Either! But please go already…
It may be too late, although I do feel close to arrival.
Wouldn’t that be rich—to arrive too late—show up dead or something?
Maybe you already are dead. Ever think about that?
(Thought provoked glare with a dash of annoyance.)
You know, I’ve been thinking. What if you gave-up trying to make sense of everything? There may be no profound reason to anything. Think about it…
Funny.
Imagine it this way. You tie your shoes because they’ll stay securely on your feet. It is more comfortable than tripping over the laces, but do you really think about doing it?
Can’t there be an underlying reason that you don’t need to realize, but just do?
Think later? I like the idea. But what if I forget what to think about? It could be a curse. The onset of Alzheimer’s.
But you’d be none the wiser. Truly, no attempt at unweaving has served you. You’re like a spider, hanging at the end of what’s left of a sticky web, destroyed by a broomstick.
Some compassion! Are you calling me a witch?
All I’m saying is don’t be so comfortable with the voices in your head.
And you are….
Yes… but I’m positive, if I wore the red shoes from that stale closet calling for mercy, and went out dancing, I’d be a star!
Sometimes the voices are the only ones listening to reason…